Contemplation or confession?

There you go, I'm sharing my mantra for the week. I like to think that, on occasion, we all face obstacles (nothing too awful, just a minor glitch). I see it as the equivalent to Shakespeare getting writer's block or Michael Jackson forgetting how to moonwalk. Yes, the last analogy was a tad far-fetched but you understand the point I'm trying to make. 

It tends to make me feel better that even the great Professor Brian Cox got a 'D' in A-level Maths and Winston Churchill was expelled from school. I'd like to point out that I can't say that I've experienced either of the above but what I'm trying to get at is the reassurance I feel when I learn that other people - actually not just 'people' but well-respected folk - find things difficult too.

It's easy to be too embarrassed, too proud or just too uptight to admit that sometimes you're just having a bad day or finding something difficult.  I'm writing this in the hope that you can relate to times like that. My reason for doing so isn't so that you start viewing the glass as half-empty, I'm just saying that every so often my glass isn't half-full. When I put everything into perspective the one thing that feels like a massive hurdle to overcome really isn't as bad as I thought and then, on days like today, I forget what it was that bothered me in the first place. 

Onwards and upwards.

I suppose that it's ironic that I should find myself on a bed in Accident and Emergency on a day that has, in the minds of most, proved devastating for the NHS. Insight is a powerful thing, and so watching countless doctors and nurses whizz past my cubicle triggered a few thoughts. 

We all knew that the report regarding the failings of the Mid Staffordshire NHS Foundation Trust was coming and it did so with gusto. So as to avoid boring you with a relentless diatribe I'll let you do the research yourself and attempt to sum up Francis QC's near 4000 page strong report up in one sentence -  the current system failed its patients. (To listen to the man himself watch the video at the bottom of the page.) Before you think/say it, I agree, it's not as simple as that. But it would be foolish of me to provide you with a fair in-depth analysis of the workings of a system that I have yet to work in.  

A lack of accountability seems to be the main criticism of the inquiry but I am going to choose to leave this to one side. Call me a coward but given that today's inquiry formed the fifth attempt at identifying the problem I want to focus on how our healthcare system can move on from such revelations instead. My reason for this? Well I have two actually:

1. I plan to work in the NHS myself - August 2016 - ? 
2. With our ageing population, I'm probably going to require the services of an NHS professional (or two) at some point.

My focus - encouraging and protecting 'whistleblowing'. By this I mean trying to find a way to foster a culture in which individuals in the profession feel like they can speak out if they have a concern about patient care or safety. How? Funny you should ask, that's going to form the basis for my dissertation. I'll let you know how it goes (15,000 words and 1500 cups of tea later).

(Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4lySJlm1EnM)

The Impatient Optimist

Imagine that you are 18 years old and you've secured a place at Harvard. At 20 years old,  you quit Harvard. With the support of your parents, you decide to start up what will become the world's largest and most successful PC software company with an old school friend. You are a billionaire by the age of 31. To date you remain one of the wealthiest men on the planet and your children will only inherit 'a miniscule portion' of your wealth (Source: http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/pda/2011/jun/13/bill-gates-charity-microsoft).  I should probably add that 'miniscule' is said to equate to about 10 million dollars. Anyway, each to their own. You are also a philanthropist. If you don't know who you're supposed to be yet, you're Bill Gates. 

(Source: www.microsoft.com)

I must admit that I knew very little about Bill Gates until I watched him give his speech at The Richard Dimbleby Lecture last week. I did have my preconceptions, as I'm sure we all do occasionally, but leaving those to one side he made a lot of thought-provoking points. The 'internal optimists' - that's how Mr and Mrs Gates describe themselves* - and their current plan: to eradicate polio. Polio, or poliomyelitis, is an infectious disease which enters the body through the mouth and nose and then goes on to develop in the throat and gut. If it goes on to invade the central nervous system then it can cause damage to the nerve cells which control our muscles (motor neurons). Here's a fun fact that might come in handy during a pub quiz one day  -  Mary Berry (the nation's favourite baking granny) had polio as a child, back when they called it 'Infantile Paralysis'. We're lucky in the UK, times have changed and now every baby is automatically offered the polio vaccination - so the risk of acquiring it here is virtually nil, but this is not the case elsewhere in the world. 

Since the universal eradication of smallpox in 2011, individuals all over the world have carried a glimmer of hope that we will go on to eradicate even more diseases. Polio is the next on that list, and I'm not shy about saying that there are many, many more that we need  to spread the word about. Bill Gates is one man (granted, with a lot of money) but he also has a voice. Here's to taking a leaf out of his book and shouting even louder. In a society where it's easy to take a National Health Service with the availability of free vaccinations for granted it doesn't hurt to remind each other that 'All Lives Have Equal Value'.

*For more about the incredible work that Bill Gates and his wife are involved in see http://www.impatientoptimists.org/

'Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.'

The quote used in the title of this entry was actually written by Marianne Williamson. Although, you may recognise it as (arguably) the most poignant quote from one of my favourite films - Coach Carter - featuring Samuel L. Jackson. It wouldn't be very honest of me to say that my deepest fear is that I'm powerful beyond measure. In fact, for the last couple of years it's been quite the opposite. I'm not proud of it but passing the first two years of medical school was driven by a fear of failure. 

And, to tell you the truth, it's worked thus far. Despite that fact, I don't want a fear of failure to be my driving force to do well anymore. I haven't sat an exam for 7 months - a ridiculously long time for a medical student and not something that I would say that I have a grievance about. Whether I like it or not though, I'm going to be sitting exams throughout my career and so I reckon I'm going to need to find a new approach. Franklin D. Roosevelt famously said, 'There is nothing to fear but fear itself.' I'm sure that his words mean a lot to many but, personally, I never really could relate them.

(Source: http://www.ted.com/talks/jk_rowling_the_fringe_benefits_of_failure.html)

Instead I look to the person who coined the terms 'expelliarmus', 'muggle' and 'quidditch' for an eloquent account of the benefits of failure. Logical. I've decided that sussing out the cause of my fear makes more sense than wracking my brains trying to define fear itself. J.K. Rowling did a stunning job of convincing me that failure is nothing to be scared of. I would recommend that you have a listen too (click on the YouTube link above). Having listened to it I'm feeling pretty positive, but also mildly gutted that I didn't graduate from Harvard in 2008. 'It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all, in which case you have failed by default.'

Deep. 

'...the most sophisticated, professionalized and successful doping programme that the sport has ever seen.'

I don't write this blog because I'm an avid sports fan (although I'm partial to a spot of netball  and watch lots of sport on TV for more reasons than London 2012). This is simply a blog written by a medical student who you may think is particularly over-opinionated. Touché. However, having watched the Lance Armstrong interview with Oprah, I think that I join the rest of the world in being truly disappointed and disgusted by a plethora of lies that not only has repercussions for cycling but for the entire sporting world. I'm sorry if I appear to lack empathy (a skill that is simply a must for a medical student) but this is one occasion in which I'm really, really struggling to see it from his point of view.

(Source: http://blog.zap2it.com/frominsidethebox/2013/01/lance-armstrongs-oprah-interview-watch-the-live-stream-online.html)

What struck me most was Armstrong's response to watching recordings of himself lying to his fans, to the public, to his sponsors, to himself. I can't tell if the man sitting opposite Oprah was the same man who told all those lies. I'm not sure that I sensed the existence of a remorseful individual in between those nervous chuckles. What he did show us though, is that he was still defensive. What was he expecting from his claim that he hadn't taken performance enhancing drugs since 2005 - a standing ovation? Why did he sidestep around the questions we wanted answers to? And what about the other individuals who assisted Armstrong in the deceit? I'm appalled that those individuals included doctors - the professionals expected to practice Medicine 'with conscience and dignity' (Declaration of Geneva 1948, Physician's Oath). 

Coincidentally, this interview brings into question a topic that I'm currently researching - the value of conscience. Having concluded that mankind values moral integrity, I'm left reeling at the thought that it might be possible that there are individuals out there that really don't have a conscience. At the time Armstrong was doping, he genuinely didn't consider himself to be cheating. To quote Mr Armstrong himself, taking banned substances was akin to saying that 'we have to have air in our tyres or we have to have water in our bottles. That was, in my view, part of the job.' A damning quote which, for once, leaves me speechless. 

Didn't you know that it's bad luck to walk under a ladder?

The word 'inspire' came up quite a few times in my life this week. Just so you know, I'm not one of those superstitious types. I mean obviously I have a lucky number, my weekly horoscope always comes true and I NEVER put brand new shoes on a table. Nevertheless, I feel like this word keeps popping up in random places for some unbeknown reason.

Over dinner last term, I found myself engaged in a heated debate with my peers over role-models (as Bioethics students do..hmm). From what I remember, pretty much the only thing that we all agreed on was that it's wrong to idolise someone. So all you 'Beliebers' out there, I'd advise you not to cross any of our paths. 

(Source: http://sites.psu.edu/taliatyndall/2012/11/01/bald-for-bieber/)

I don't entirely agree. Someone who inspires may be a role-model and they don't have to be an all-singing, all-dancing teen sensation. I had tea with my old French teacher earlier this week and she showed me the thank you/retirement card I gave her when I was fourteen. Inside it, I thanked her for inspiring me by encouraging me to persevere with languages although I found them difficult. 

A friend of mine bought a book this week called 'What The Most Successful People Do Before Breakfast' as she was feeling motivated, 'Carpe Diem' she said.   Incredible, I thought. Maybe she was feeling inspired. By seizing the day, she encouraged me to want to seize mine. 

So does it matter what form a role-model comes in? Is it relevant whether your inspiration comes from a relative, teacher, friend, musician or a complete stranger? I think not. Nevertheless, I do accept that I often come across as though I see the world through rose tinted spectacles so if you disagree with me then fair play to you. I'm open to suggestions. Until then, 'Hakuna matata'. No worries.  

'When I grow up, I wanna be famous, I wanna be a star, I wanna be in movies'

*Firstly, I feel I should thank the Pussycat Dolls for providing young girls with such high aspirations. 

                      (Source: www.graphicsbeam.com/inspiration/classic-album-cover-designs/)

I've always been one of the oldest in my school year. Secretly, I was pretty proud of that fact as it definitely meant that I could always play the 'but I'm older than you' card whenever I wanted my own way. Now, a lot of my (non-medic) friends are currently trying to find work experience, work out which careers they want to go into and apply for internships and jobs. And all of a sudden I feel extremely young.

They say that I'm lucky - 'Chantie, at least you know what job you're going to do.' Maybe. But it's a long way off right? By the time I've finished university, if all goes well, most of those friends will have been working and earning for 2-3 years. They'll be grown-ups. It's a curious position to be in. Currently, I'm loving intercalating. I'm learning to question my actions and not just regurgitate the facts given to me in a pharmacology textbook. Medicine versus Bioethics. The right thing to do versus the right thing to do?  It's also a year for me to, like my friends, be sure that this is the career that I want to go into.

Despite having made slow progress on my law essay during this holiday, I can see the benefit of this year and I'm really enjoying managing my own time. Even so, I'm missing Medicine. Maybe I am young, but it's not a bad thing. No responsibility, no worries, no pressure.  I used one of those online countdown timers to work out (roughly) how long it'll be before I graduate. The answer? 1300 days. When put like that, it doesn't seem quite that long? Fine, I'm living in a fool's paradise.  But a Doctor by 2016? Bring it on.